only talent ([info]christabella17) wrote,
2005-07-24 20:50:00

a certain someone persuaded me to keep up with my writing, and, although, this is not really a blog, it's similar enough. i haven't used this thing in far too long anyway.

as usual, there's that reeking smell of cigarette from the porch, seeping through this old, creaky house, with a side of melancholy. my brother's somewhere wasting hours watching some game network, channel 43084 out of 304543058, being the perfect model child for some childhood obesity threat commercial, and my mother's out on the porch smoking, on the phone with someone, complaining about her shitty job, shitty house, shitty kids, shitty life...and i'm here, like an idiot, writing about it, because i have nothing better to do.

this past weekend was rather nostalgic, i got the chance to look upon a face i haven't seen in almost two years, since cym 2004. it was nice, a blur of overpriced abercrombie track jackets, starbucks frapuccinos, and being pulled aside into random aisles at target, stealing quick lockings of somehow familiar lips. then it was brunch on sunday with the "family," which was the same veneer, just on a riverfront this time, with scones and decent omelettes.

i dreamt of cym last night, the last day, saying goodbye to him. i definitely miss him. that day was like a rip off scene of casablanca, i had to go on stage for orchestra, he had to catch a plane. i never thought i'd have to say a quick goodbye, i'm never good with those. i need time, i need to part with someone, or someplace, in a slow, reluctant manner. i never get proper goodbyes, anyway, so it wasn't anything i shouldn't have expected, yet still, even for this, i was ill prepared. in my dream, i was standing off to the side, watching myself practically miss the orchestra performance, muttering "please, just...just stay...stay until after orchestra," emotions overflowing, vulnerable...but he had to catch his plane. i looked on from a distance, intently, as i saw myself go in for that last kiss, and then dragged onto the stage by one of the last straggling second violins. i called out, "no, it's ok, don't be sad, he'll be there after you're done, so...it's alright..."

magically, i woke up sunday morning feeling so relieved, expecting to be just outside of hosmer, with him waiting for me, and a proper departure to be had at my leisure...to my dismay, i was still on the floor in my dad's house, 7+ hours away from potsdam, an eternity from that moment i dreamt of. i just kind of sat there for a bit, the remnants of a day's old mascara streaming down my cheeks...you look like a fucking hooker.

so...got up, showered, thus upgrading my image from $0.05 to $0.06 crack whore, did shit, and here i am, at my mom's house, etc. etc.

i'm going to go to bed now, with the sincere hope that my dreams will be less reminiscent of a fucking lifetime movie. perhaps, i have emotions after all.

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  • 16 comments

[info]heartbroken4sho

July 25 2005, 15:14:50 UTC 6 years ago

god, it reminds me of how i felt when a certain someone at CYM left me... and how i felt... melissa you explain things so well... gosh i love you... miss you like mad<3 it will all get better... trust me.

[info]christabella17

July 25 2005, 15:17:24 UTC 6 years ago

aww, thanks love ♥

[info]krazykunbi820

July 26 2005, 22:25:28 UTC 6 years ago

?

i hate all this love shit. i don't get it. i love being all pessimistic and shit! anyways. i love u melissa. havent seen you in forever and a day. how are you my love?

[info]christabella17

July 26 2005, 22:56:34 UTC 6 years ago

Re: ?

good good, i miss you love! how are you?

<3

[info]krazykunbi820

July 29 2005, 18:49:56 UTC 6 years ago

Re: ?

I'm okay. I've been better though.

[info]christabella17

July 29 2005, 20:06:09 UTC 6 years ago

Re: ?

aww what's wrong love?

[info]oaka18

July 27 2005, 02:58:29 UTC 6 years ago

wow

I hate to hear you bogged down with all this negativity man, but your standing on a giant mountian of noodles...

[info]christabella17

July 27 2005, 03:13:56 UTC 6 years ago

Re: wow

i'm not really "bogged down," just reminiscent. you know?

Anonymous

July 27 2005, 03:17:13 UTC 6 years ago

Re: wow

I gotcha, I just couldnt come up with the proper word, ya know?

*sigh* I wish I had musical talent enough to get me into a place like that in the first place... maybe some day I'll find a camp for lighting technicians.

[info]christabella17

July 27 2005, 03:18:33 UTC 6 years ago

Re: wow

aww, you're so cute. haha. <3

[info]tedddybear

July 27 2005, 22:47:03 UTC 6 years ago

hey cute stuff,remember me? lol if u dont wanna chat lemmie know,if u have msn or yahoo messenger,post ur address ill add u to my list and we can chat more

[info]christabella17

July 28 2005, 01:30:23 UTC 6 years ago

oh hey, i dont have msn or yahoo, sorry love.

[info]tedddybear

July 28 2005, 01:33:49 UTC 6 years ago

ok,well we can jus chat bout goin down on eachother here if thats cool with u ;)

[info]mr_sausage_cock

July 31 2005, 23:42:58 UTC 6 years ago

hey hott stuff,im lookin for a good girl to suck my thick solid cock when asked,i can either let u have complete controll,or u can give me controll,either way,it doesnt take much to get me hard,all u gotta do is suck it dry

[info]zebra5463

June 6 2006, 04:53:56 UTC 5 years ago

you haven't written in here in quite some time. :P

i stole that last sentence of this post for my away message tonight. totally what i'm going through.

we should talk. you know where to find me. :P

[info]christabella17

June 9 2006, 19:01:49 UTC 5 years ago

yeah, i really haven't. i don't write much anymore :( when i get the chance though, i do.

anyway, haha, i'm really flattered that you used that as your away message :) geeeh

and yeah, we should talk. i miss you.
ps- i got drum major :)
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